He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
