Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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