You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
