You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
COCAINE IS GR8
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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