How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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