Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
