You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I met the friendliest cop last night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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