Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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