We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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