$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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