the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
