You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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