shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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