How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
