You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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