You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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