if you like me you must not know who I am
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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