Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
