next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
