She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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