I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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