i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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