If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
