can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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