Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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