WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
