the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
