so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
