I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
