my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
