whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
