Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
