drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
