The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he had hair everywhere except his balls
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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