she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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