I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You ruined the universe
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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