I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
