i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
are you so shy because you have an std?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
