so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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