He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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