hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize