I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
