Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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