I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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