Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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