he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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