Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
