he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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