Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
