She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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