maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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