It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
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His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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