Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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