doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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