I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I want her autograph on my taint
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
