I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
