Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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