If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
