Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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