Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
