i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
