On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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