I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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