you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
