the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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