don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
