I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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