May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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