Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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