...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
