note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
