I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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