Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
