Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
