He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
