Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
