R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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