I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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